Tired...

I have a memory like a gold fish... seriously, I forget everything, names, dates, places.. everything.. so it comes as no surprise to note that I forget sometimes about the treatment I just put my body through and why over the last few days I've really struggled. Emotionally and physically. Life feels a little tough, I know I shouldn't complain because I can still get my self up in the morning to do what needs to be done, but it just means that a lot more energy needs to be thrown at it.

For the first time in a while, I had to cancel my plans and which caused a bit of a domino effect for those around me, also needing to change their plans.. one thing I hate doing. And this morning, it was that little bit harder to get myself sorted for the day. My legs feel heavy, my eye is really blurry and painful and my stomach is not all that pleased with me either. Some of the reminders that I have MS, and a distinct reminder that no, symptoms won't disappear.. they just won't get worse (hopefully! Jury is still out till I see some MRI evidence!).

I'm also feeling emotionally vulnerable. It's a scary feeling not knowing what is happening inside my body and whether I just experienced a bit of a high of the medication and now things are settling back into an MS space I've been trying to avoid.

I also don't know what normal is.. it's been so long. Do non-MS people get like this? should I just quit my bitching and just move on? I don't really know what it is I'm supposed to expect!

I'm seeing my neuro on Wednesday, where hopefully he will give me the all clear to go to Italy. I'm not really expecting anything major to come out of this discussion... He will just tell me to be patient and sensible.

The one thing I have to remember, and I am doing a terrible job at it, is to be kind to myself and rest.